MovieFails

The Devil Inside

Captain Awesome — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 10:09:02 +0000

I haven’t updated in a while, but HOLY SHIT this movie was bad. There was one good exorcism scene where they hired a Cirque du Soleil contortionist to have her period. Don’t waste your money, don’t even waste the $1 Redbox money. They actually raised that shit to $1.20…bitches. The only positive review on rottentomatoes.com warranted this user comment, “This review is worse than the movie.” This movie made Paranormal Activity look like a masterpiece.

It got to the climax and simply ran out of money…FAIL

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Captain Awesome — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 01:40:33 +0000

For many people our age, this is the end of an era. First, I would like to apologize for not reading the books (they just got so big over the years). I know. I’m a terrible person, but let’s move on.

I had no idea how this would end. Paying for the extra dimension did not do anything for the movie, other than at the end when he who must not be named turns into little pieces of paper. For me, some things did not quite make sense until I dissected it with some of the readers later. But overall, it was a fantastic end and definitely the most captivating of all the HP movies.

In the film, it was hard to believe that Harry Potter even liked Ginny. The Asian girl looked better than before, I may have chosen Cho over Ginny if those were my only two options.

My favorite character is Snape: Alan Rickman played the role to perfection throughout and let’s not forget J.K. Rowling’s stroke of genius in the character development.

The Epilogue was fun, but a little weird. A-

I thought Snape was Harry’s father for a second #toointostarwars

Horrible Bosses

Captain Awesome — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 18:59:02 +0000

The three main characters three stooges-like antics caused me lots of frustration, but also lots of laughs. There were moments so funny, so ridiculous that I forgot to laugh. The movie was very original with its unique premise; many people in the workforce in this high unemployment era can relate to. Hopefully, this movie will make real life horrible bosses think twice about being assholes, man-eaters, and tools. Horrible Bosses was a great dark comedy movie, but it falls short of being hailed. B+

Spread ‘em

Transformers: Dark of the Moon 3D

Captain Awesome — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 02:53:26 +0000

A reoccurring theme in Hollywood: “Mo Money Mo Problems.” Transformers 3 rewrites history a little, showing snippets of JFK and Nixon (which was already done in X-Men: First Class). It started out great, as Green Lantern did. It LOOKED brilliant in 3D, but everything else was awful. It tries extremely hard to be funny by casting John Malkovich and Ken Jeong. However, the plot doesn’t lead up to anything. Everyone (Autobots, Decepticons, etc.) does not make logical sense. Decepticons try to take over earth with this plan that they’ve been planning since the 60′s…a terrible plan and why didn’t they do that in the first two movies….My advice: get drunk so that movie doesn’t have to make sense, watch it in 3D because it’s visually stunning so you can admire the beauty of the robots and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. C-

According to Wikipedia, Michael Bay directed a Playboy Video Centerfold once…makes sense.

Bad Teacher

Captain Awesome — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 06:00:10 +0000

It is extremely difficult to root for Cameron Diaz as the protagonist in this movie. It was a very subtlely depicted cathartic realization by the writers. However, the supporting cast in the movie was able to savage the movie. There are some golden moments with the super awkward and forced Justin Timberlake, the craigslist roommate Eric Stonestreet (Cam on Modern Family), and of course the awesome Jason Segal from my favorite running TV show How I Met Your Mother. Some jokes I caught myself as the only one laughing in the theater, they either anti-Semitic and people didn’t get it or so awkward that only I found it funny. C+

Only missing a Carl’s Jr. Burger

Cars 2

Captain Awesome — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 17:12:29 +0000

What if cars were people?

I thought it would be difficult to give any thing other than an A in a Pixar movie, but watching Cars 2 was like watching the TVCC building in Beijing burn. Here’s a clip of that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hSPFL2Zlpg

It was beautifully colored, magnificent in 3D, but ultimately still a disaster (for a Pixar movie). For me at times, Mater “Larry the Cable Guy” gets really tedious to listen to. However, the details in the movie, especially in 3D, were spectacular. It is much less of an emotional journey when you compare it to Up and the Toy Story Trilogy. This movie should be watched with the child in you rather than the over-analyzing adult in you. B+

It’s weird, but she’s actually kind of hot

Green Lantern

Captain Awesome — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 11:29:38 +0000

In brightest matinee,

In blackest late showing night,

No bad movie shall escape my sight,

For those who thought this movie might,

Beware, stay away,

Green Lantern needs a rewrite.

The movie began well with a deep voice that says the word “Space!” I wanted to like it, I really did. After Marvel Universe’s takeover of Hollywood, I feel like DC comics cannot compete. Even with the $200 million budget (spent on Blake Lively’s 20 different shades of brunette? and still getting it wrong?), it underperformed. Compared to Asgard (Thor’s Home Planet), Oa was a similar concept, but simply did not feel enhanced by the expensive CG. Blake Lively is that hot 6th grade math teacher that didn’t give you an F when you deserved one, so you can get to 7th grade. If you do decide to watch this movie, you should stay after the credits because DC strives to be like Marvel. D

I will no longer propose with this ring, my future wife should thank this movie.

Super 8

Captain Awesome — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 10:54:39 +0000

As a Lost fan, I am a firm supporter of J. J. Abrams. This movie was Cloverfield meets E.T. The young cast did an excellent job, J. J. Abrams was able to develop the characters brilliantly and artistically convey the letting go of a loved one (brought me back to when I was 7 years old and went to Universal Studios on the E.T. ride). Abrams is a master of mystery; Super 8 embodies his Mystery Box TED Talk http://www.ted.com/talks/j_j_abrams_mystery_box.html. If you didn’t know already, a Super 8 an old fashion video camera according to Wikipedia. A

This movie may be the best movie this summer, I say this with a handful of big movies still to come this summer, such as Cars 2, Transformers 3, Harry Potter 7-2, and Captain America (which I’m most excited about, hence my name: Captain Awesome).

“J.J., I am your father”

Bridesmaids

Captain Awesome — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 21:38:17 +0000

My sister forced me to watch this movie. I sat with my friends in the theater and my sister sat in between my mom and my dad because of the only seats available. The opening scene was a sex scene that was extremely awkward for everyone, especially my sister (dodged a bullet there). The movie was exceptionally funny and it also displayed brilliant metaphorical nuances when Megan (the crazy fat chick) makes Annie (the main character) realize to not ask for pity. I walked in expecting a female version of the Hangover, but this movie was actually the opposite; it was everything other than the bachelorette party. The movie was ridiculous enough to be great and was also an excellent romantic comedy. A-

Oh no, it’s happening…it happened

Fast Five

Captain Awesome — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 08:39:28 +0000

For an amateur car lover, action movie enthusiast, and ex-WWF watcher, this movie was perfect. This movie is exactly what the y-chromosome needs. The director Justin Lin even found a way to fit an incoherent pre-drag race scene with the beautiful girls walking around into the movie. You have the Rock tackling Vin Diesel through walls and random shooting and ridiculous chase scenes that makes the movie look like Black Ops. After the movie, my friend and I raced home our sub-par (from the movie) vehicles. I still didn’t learn my lesson from watching Tokyo Drift. A-

My Tokyo Drift Story: After that movie, I was drag racing some other ricers from the theater in my Audi A4. An M3 torched us all. When I was about to arrive at my friend’s house, I decided (bad decision) to drift the final turn. My tired popped because of the unleveled street…We went to get my friend’s brother to help with the tire. When we got back to my car, the police were there (Sigh). The police officer confronted me and asked, “Did you just watch Tokyo Drift?” I reluctantly said “Yes” because the officer was spot on.

getting very intimate here